The Craziest Montana State Craiglist Ads Of All Time
Craigslist, the truly random classified website has had a long standing relationship with hosting some of the downright weirdest ads anywhere. Why is it no surprise that Montana has the oddest classifieds out there?
(Hint: click the title to see the actual ad)
“Somewhere along the way during the last 2 months or so, I seem to have lost my marbles. Having lost them, I find myself doing strange things like getting up in the middle of the night to scrub the kitchen or baking chocolate cake for breakfast. This is not good. I need my marbles. If you’ve seen them, slipped on them or know of where I can get more, please let me know. I think my family would be happy if I had my marbles back. Thank you”
“In return for one (1) DEAD Ringneck Dove you will receive one (1) LIVE Ringneck Dove of unknown age. The dove’s name is Baby though you will be more than welcome to rename it. We believe it is a he, in part because it has never laid an egg of any kind. My wife has had this dove for 15+ years, we keep thinking it will die one of these days, but it just likes life too much. My wife will not let us get rid of it, nor will let me help it meet it’s end, the only way this will work for me is if the death appears to be of natural causes. All I need to do is get your dead dove, give you my live dove, you’re happy, and I’m happy. My wife will not be disappointed in coming home to her dead dove, she’s ready for a quiet house too. Pictures are attached, though they all look alike to me anyway. Please help me out, I’ll be checking emails eagerly. Close to Missoula preferred, and I know that time will be of the essence for a successful dove-swap, so I’ll be ready to act on something with short notice.”
“I have a functioning time machine (i know it sounds unbelievable, but I assure you it works) that I need a 2nd person to operate with me. I’m looking for someone who is adventurous and reliable. Preferable a male; or a female that can do heavy lifting. I am leaving on September 30th, 2010, in the morning and plan to return October 2nd, 2010. I am going to June 1983 to handle some business.
“Been used as a pickup horse until he got hooked by a bull. Think he has a split personality, some days he’s great, some days he’s a real prick. No secrets here, you need to tranq him to shoe him or he will try and kick your head off. He has been used for branding, moving cows, ranch roping etc. And like I said, some days he is great, we have had beginner riders on him and they have done fine, I have ridden him in the hills or gathered on him and he was fine,He is not great to catch, although we have him turned out on 140 acres so he can leave if he wants, but in a smaller pen he is much better. he just needs someone that isn’t going to take his shit on a regular basis. He needs to be taken and used. If you are looking for a horse that you can ride twice a year, well then this is not the horse for you., But if you use your horse as often as you change your pants then he will probably suit you perfect. We bought him with the intention of selling him and because we have more than enough horses he has gone to the bottom of the priority barrel. He is not a horse for the faint hearted, if you are handy and need a project or if you think you are handy and need to try and prove it. I think he is about 11 years old. 15.3 hands. Answers to the name of Dick. Ok, he doesn’t answer, that’s just what I call him. $2,500 obo.”
- A Red shirt bearing the words: Will Buy Drinks For Sex with Spring Break 2000 on the back. More for its novelty than as a piece of clothing.
- A mixed cassette tape I made my sophomore year in high school (1995) mostly recorded from the radio, complete with overdubs, done by myself. Telling overdubs: during both Lisa Loebs Stay and Metallicas One I play my electric guitar, not plugged in to any amplifier, to the tune of Paranoid By Ozzy Osborne. Towards the end of the tape I inadvertently recorded my Mother asking why it smells like cigarette smoke in my room, and me replying I dunno.
- A special edition McDonalds cup, made of semi-hard plastic, with The Hamburgalar and a Fry-Guy frolicking in an oddly sexual looking position.
- Four (4) pictures of my ex-girlfriend naked, taken on a 35mm Vivitar brand camera (not a reputable brand), in various positions. Once used for self-pleasure, then blackmail, and now missed for their nostalgic quality.
- A 3-piece plastic musical instrument set, including a kazoo, a guitar with plastic strings that all play the same note (b-sharp), and a flute that actually played very nicely. The set was neon colors: orange, yellow and green.
- 2 postcards, both from Butte, Montana, for obvious reasons.
- MS. Of a short story written when I was 15, mostly about sex, though seguewaying into something of a accidental stroke of genius involving alcohols ability to make one invisible to others as well as its time-travel properties.
- A pack of chewing gum bearing the brand Poo, brought back from Hong Kong by my sisters then boyfriend Bill, as a gift to me.
- A letter written to me by first girlfriend (2nd pre-adult pretend girlfriend) which borrowed heavily from Of Human Bondage by Somerset Maugham, and Guns N Roses Use Your Illusions I and II. The letter ended with the words I luv you more everything and I always will. She recently added me on Friendster and, if recovered, am hoping to use it as evidence to prove that her current marriage is a sham.
Location: Butte, Montana