Montana Discriminates Against Tall People (or) Help Me Find Pants That Fit
Yesterday I told you all about the tallest man in America, Igor Vovkovinskiy's quest to find a pair of shoes to fit his enormous feet. With a little help from social media (and some very generous donations) Igor was able to be fitted with a pair of custom made footwear that rivals the size of two single-person boats. How on earth they were able to find shoes that fit him ("I'll have that cow for my right foot, and that cow for my left".) is a completely different story, yet I feel that there is still work to be done for big guys like us.
Igor stands and a whopping 7'8" tall, I personally come in at 6'10" and finding clothes that fit either one of us is no easy feat. I mentioned before that I have size 13 shoes, which is still pretty easy to find in most stores, but pants on the other hand are impossible to find in Missoula. IMPOSSIBLE.
Granted, JC Penny's in the Southgate Mall has a small selection of men's pants, but to be honest, every pair have Mountie-like side straps, a strange off-center butt crank thingie, and a crotch two inches below the actual crotch. And the ones that don't look like carpenter/computer programmer pants have an inseam that's just too short for my tall frame.
Things were hunky dory when the Big and Tall Men shop had a store near the mall. But then two years ago they went out of business (fortunately they sold off their inventory with a 70% markdown which I swiftly took advantage of) and now all I'm left with are outlets online which I've all but given up on since I have to return them half the time because they just didn't fit right. I've all but given up. Shorts all season? Is that what it's come to?
I've convinced myself that Montana simply doesn't want to welcome anyone above average height. They might as well put a sign outside the state line that says "You Must Be Under THIS Height To Enter This State" with a life size cut out of Monte and his hand above his head around 6'5. It's discriminating. Yup, I said it. Unless Montana does something about clothing tall people, we will until then be discriminated. Where's my picket sign? "Occupy TJ Maxx".
I know I'm not alone. I see too many men and women walking around town exposing their hairy bodies and (shudder) varicose veins due to a lack of coverage and it needs to be brought to retailers attention. Please don't let us suffer with cold ankles any longer! If not the retailers, can you, the average height citizen, help us out? Have you found a place in town that sells clothing for tall people? Are they stowed away in some back shelf like adult DVD's at a family video store? Do we need a code word to whisper to the salesperson so they can bring us through the taller-than-usual secret door? By commenting in the section below you are hereby signing a petition proclaiming that the state of Montana indeed DOES discriminate against tall people. We pray our boisterous voices will be heard.
Because Lord knows, you don't want to see us without pants on.