Getting the right gift is important.  Making sure you don't get the wrong gift is more important.  Here are the five things NOT to get your valentine...

1. Gym membership.  "What are you trying to say, that I need to lose weight?"

2. Vacuum cleaner.  Anything that's used to clean up your mess fits here, really.

3. Monkey.  Guys love monkeys.  Girls do not.

4. A single rose.  You think its cute and has special meaning and blah blah.  She thinks it means your cheap.

5. Frying pan.  It will be used to beat you to death.

Good luck.